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"Audio, video, disco."~*~"I see hear, I see, I learn"
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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Mon, Aug. 22nd, 2005 07:42 pm

YAY! finally school started today, this summer was soo long and boring, well i had 2 classes today, and 2 tomorrow, they're fun, and i KNOW i'm going to love them. my teacher is quirky,and like to talk a lot. ther is a transgendered boy=>girl there, 'she's' ok, doesn't really talk much. uugh and i have an 'uh-huh-er' there. she's a korean lady, small, stickly, and ALWAYS saying, 'uh-huh, ok' under her breath. HOW ANNOYING! whatever. well sir, "the time has come..." although i am very opposed to this, and i think it's silly when ppl do it, i've created a new journal. and it's friends only, and i'm inviting all of you to friend me...'mesbilletsdoux' this new journal is going to strictly be friends only, sorry anyone who isn't a mutual friend! i'm keeping this one open just for nostalgia purposes (as if it's been around a while) see you at my new journal!! MESBILLETSDOUX

Current Mood: geeky geeky
Current Music: Rebelde--RBD

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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Mon, Aug. 15th, 2005 05:31 pm

tagged by smartypantsnyc 3 random facts about myself:

1.  I really hate bug, I mean REALLY hate bugs. The ones i cannot for the life of me stand are Cockroaches. It's really weird, when i was younger i used to be fascinated by bugs, and would play w/ beetles, and things of that sort. but when i see a big bug, or a roach, or spider, I really want to die. my heart starts racing, and i can't control my breathing.

2. When i was in the first grade, and we were learning how to use a ruler, i COULD NOT grasp the concept of starting w/ zero. we didn't start counting from zero, we started counting from one, so when i measured, the edge of whatever i was measuring, i'd start w/ one. it wasn't for a while that i learned the correct way of measuring...i think as late as 4th grade!!

3. From i think about 6th grade to maybe the middle of freshman year of highschool i was really depressed. i used to think about suicide, and wonder what life w/o me would be. I was so angry/sad/lonely especially in Middle school, i hated it, my mom didn't understand me i couldn't approach her with anything, we'd always be arguing. I had very low self esteem, i was always being called ugly, fat, and joto, maricon, fag, fairy, homo, etc. my aunt on my dad's side and his mom, (even cousins of his to which i'm not really related) and some of the family on my mom's side would say, "oh well he's growing, he'll stretch out, (meaning i wouldn't be fat anymore). My mom would sometimes stand up for me to my dad (they were divorced). and my dad was so strict i was spanked for not finishing my lunch. well all this was building up behind me, and although i had some friends, they were ALWAYS; since elem. school primarily girls, (i'd be teased about that too) i didn't really have friends; i was a loner with friends..get it? well my mom found a note talking about a guy i liked and since then has been very apprehensive about me hanging out w/ him. she cannot have a gay son, she said it was a phase...so needless to say i'm not out to her, and maybe never will be. so all of this, coupled w/ hormones, i wanted to kill myself. and i think i even had a razor once, but i wussed out. i hated myself, and i couldn't stand to be me. but then i started becoming more comfortable w/ myself, and learning to love myself and opening up more. and i looooooved high school so much! I'm so happy now, i love my life, and my family and friends. i'm glad i didn't end my life...thanks smartypantsnyc none of my friends, especially my best friend knew that about me.

Tags:

popqueer

xnixckx

crazymeow


Current Mood: curious curious
Current Music: rock me amadeus--falco

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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Thu, Aug. 4th, 2005 02:33 am

The Keys to Your Heart



You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.



Current Mood: crushed crushed
Current Music: happy ending--avril levigneaifhadfh

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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Sun, Jul. 31st, 2005 11:25 pm

http://magic-cone.com/animation1.htm

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Current Music: i'm a rainbow too

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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Fri, Jul. 29th, 2005 02:45 pm

this is the one thing i HATE about going on vacation...coming back. Well i like coming home, but just the sad realization that i'm back in this rut i left for a few days....BILLS!!! motherfucking bills, work, and not doing anything! Bahia Kino was so much fun, but i'll update on that later w/ pix! see you brown eyes later!

Current Mood: crushed crushed

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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Sun, Jul. 24th, 2005 02:28 pm
well babes i'm leaving for bahia kino tonight!! i'll be back w/ lots of pics! c u all latah!! MUAH

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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Fri, Jul. 22nd, 2005 02:36 pm
Your Hawaiian Name is:

Kane Konane


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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Fri, Jul. 22nd, 2005 09:21 am
morning, today i woke up from a really nice dream. actually 2 dreams, well today is my bros b-day adn i dreamt that my grandma was here,to see him. and i don't really remember the first dream but i know she spoke to me, and the second one we were talking again. I asked her how everything was, and how she was doing, and she siad that she was fine, and she gave me a hug and i felt it. i felt our knees touching, and pressure around my sides, and i was around her back as well...
at this time last year she was home, i think she was still able to walk. oh i think i remember the 1st dream, i think she was laughing? her laughing kinda sounded like her crying at times.

Current Mood: happy happy

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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Fri, Jul. 22nd, 2005 01:43 am

guess who's back? who has returned to my mind, and to my tongue. oh sweet boy who was wanted by all, but had none. whose spell captivated me, and dragged me under. sweet ginger bliss. I recall the final poem to you. about you giving me  pleasure through crying..."est quædam flere voluptas" there is a pleasure in crying. my first muse whom i shall never forget, as i flourished. how happy i am to hear that you are with someone who loves you, almost as much as i. as i try yet again to ween you out, i again taste the bitter sting of reality, i will think of you always, and hope your happy. will i ever dream of you again?


Tags:

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lostinelpaso
lostinelpaso
john
Thu, Jul. 21st, 2005 10:25 pm
stolen from Jace, who stole it from Allison, who stole it from Jane

1. Copy and paste this into your journal:
<*font color="yourusername"> <*b>yourusername<*/b>
2. Eliminate the asterisks.
3. Replace "yourusername" with your user name.
4. See what color you are

i am: lostinelpaso

Current Mood: creative creative

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